Tuesday, February 21, 2006

You've changed

I was looking back over some of my earlier postings recently, and I began to wonder if I was less bitter than I used to be. I don't seem to be as angry as I used to be, the vitriol isn't there...I don't yell at the news any more, I cry. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, I'm calmer and not so hard to be around now, but I feel ten times more powerless.
I look back and can't believe how cynical I was about my relationship, and I can't remember if I was putting it on or not (alcohol and drug abuse ruins your memory kids). We're still together, and I love him, maybe it's that that mellowed me....what a fucking cliche though, 'All she needed was the love of a good man'. I don't want that to be the case, it's like when you get to the end of a book with a really, really evil character, and the author tried to explain it away by saying it was becasue their parents never loved them as a child. Did Shakespeare tell us at the end of Othello that Iago did it 'cos his mother left him with the nanny? No, and that's why will still read it, for the mystery.
I digress, I'm not a Shakesperean villain. Maybe it's living in Brighton, apparently we have the one of the lowest levels of carbon emissions in the country, maybe that's why I've calmed down since I moved here, but then if you look at the state of West Street on a Saturday night thst little theory is disproved, it's like Gaza.
Maybe it's all the' love' in the air down here, I doubt it though, people in Brighton have to be the most emotionally dysfunctional and fucked up I've ever encountered. No one can make their relationships work, friendships don't seem to last and for all the pseudo-Buddhist, smash-EDO, vote Green bollocks that floats around down here most people's ultimate concern is for them selves. That makes me angry.
Perhaps I'm not as calm as I thought!

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