Thursday, June 08, 2006

The times that I have been really, really happy…

The times that I have been really, really happy…
This feels way to open to write about, because it tells so much about me; more than I want anyone, except JG, to know…
In India, on the bus, going past the salt pans which the tsunami has now washed away, with the family who I will never, ever forget until I die. The feeling of independence, freedom and distance from everything I thought I knew was so intoxicating I can’t even describe it. I will never forget the people who shared that hot, dusty, bumpy journey with me - the man, with his slicked back hair, lacquered in place by dirt, his lunghi and striped shirt; the woman with her long nails, and the vivid pink, red and gold of her sari and the care that a woman who had so little had taken in dressing her hair; the beautiful little boy who sat between them, who seemed so loved and who they obviously gave the best of what they had to. I remember their loud, unashamed chatter, so different from the reservation and quiet embarrassment people where I came from, and the way that they saw me watching them, and how we shared in each other’s joy: their love for their son; and the pleasure that I was taking from living the moment and being so free……
The realisation of being truly lost, of knowing that absolutely no-one had the slightest idea of where I was, and that if I chose, I could disappear and never be found again. Pure anonymity and utter dereliction of my own making.
Being alone in the car at night, driving too fast on a bumpy road, singing my heart out safe in the knowledge that I couldn’t be heard, that I couldn’t be judged. ‘A moment to myself’ - completely personal, but something that I knew everyone had done. Something personal that made me feel like I was a part of something greater when I otherwise felt so isolated.

1 Comments:

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